Guest Blogger: All the Bad Dogs in My Extended Dog Family

I have been on a bit of a naughtiness hiatus. Been trying to clean up my act and my people have been getting much more responsible with their garbage. Fortunately for you, good reader, I had the pleasure/misfortune of spending a few days in a house with eight dogs. This was not a kennel -- this was a real house. I tried to keep to myself, remaining in my peoples' room, but the New Orleans dogs and the Oxford dogs got into a bit of trouble. Disasters occurred too frequently to capture all on film, but here is a representative mess. I only discovered it well into the cleanup stages. It used to be a box of kleenex.

The Left Me Along Again

They had a grand Festivus dinner and I had a party.

Picasa Web Albums - Douglas - Things I Ate

Tiny Whiney, with the Assist

The cat and I worked out a new system. He likes to knock stuff down and I like to eat stuff. He hopped up on the entertainment center and batted down the plastic silverware. I waited patiently beneath him and enjoyed the spoils of his physics experiments.

Tiny Whiney: I wouldn't eat him (only because he's so useful).
Plastic silverware: I think we both know I'd eat it.

Hamster Foodz

Did you know that dogs can't digest seeds? Turns out what goes in looks the same coming out. Enjoy the view, loyal readers.
Hamster seeds: I'd eat it.

An Old Friend

I revisited my old dragon toy this weekend. I had already desqueaked it and mostly defluffed it, but I still had a good munch.
I'd eat and re-eat it.

Zelda's mom is generous

Zelda's mom is the Starbucks queen, and today, she made me her princess.

Cup of Nothing

I love pink cup. It had no flavrs, but it was well worth it.

I'd eat it.

Kraft cheese is swell

Num-nums in the department of parmesan today. Also, check out my sweet kennel. I store all my favorite things in there.

Country Time!

I have had mixed success with sweet powders. Sugar was not fun. Powdered sugar was ok. Splenda was a seriously good time. I decided to try the magical lemon sugar this time. It attracted me because it has 40% less sugar than leading sodas. Also because it was the giant 5 lb size.

Turns out, it is more fun to spread around and play with than to eat. Please note my guilty footprints visible in the mess.





And because carpet is so much more fun to get dirty than till or wood, I had to extend the celebration to the living room.

I <3 Pizza

I did not actually get any pizza, just the box. Empty boxes have plenty of flavor.

I love pizza box.

Not Food

I can't believe they duped me into eating crayons. They left the box on a TV tray, so how was I to know it was not full of Pop-Tarts or Chipotle or something? I'd do it again, but only to make a mess. I would not eat it.

Cereal Is My New Favorite

I think I might have broken my family's spirit this morning.  A few days ago I ate about a thousand Pop-Tarts.  That sweet breakfasty goodness got to me.  I was left wanting more.  Fortunately, I made a new discovery in the kitchen.  Somehow, I had never noticed a whole display of breakfast cereal.  It was a tough decision, but I went with the Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  I have to tell you, it was great.  You should really try some.

How many Pop-Tarts!?!

There have been no Pop-Tarts in my house for quite some time.  Imagine my delight when my forage-sense picked up three boxes of the tasty pastries wander in to my house a few days ago.  Imagine my further delight when, due to confusion in the grocery put-away process, all three boxes were left out on a counter.

Now, I know what you're thinking.  How did I know these boxes were full of goodness?  Afterall, the tarts are in sealed foil packages inside a sealed box.  But, you see, I write a blog, so I can obviously read the package.  How many, you might ask, tarts would I consider eating?  Afterall, 3 12-packs is a LOT of tarts.  You're right.  I wouldn't eat all of them — brown sugar and cinnamon is a terrible flavor.  That leaves 24 strawberry flavored ones.

I left one pack alone so it could go back to tell the other food of my wrath.

For those keeping track at home, that is 22 frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts — 110g fat, 814g carbohydrates, and 4400 calories.

Splenda

Yeah. I ate Splenda. It is way better than sugar. Don't worry — I checked to see if I could get Splenda toxicity first. I'm fine.

I would eat it again.

Cedar Point

I think it is a good think I decided to stay home while my peeps went to Cedar Point.  I would have dismembered this tool before you could say "retarded outfit."

I would so eat him.

Viqueens

Some lady has been sleeping over here for the past several days.  I think the female person I live with is related to the lady because the female person has seemed a bit on edge lately.

Those two left for Wisconsin yesterday.  Before they left, they told me that I should wear green and gold Monday night.  I'm not really sure how to go about this, but I'd love to help.

I will eat a Viking.

My Sis Got Pearls

How pretty my little Ginger is! Yesterday my people came back from their outing with little pink pearls for my little sister. I am jealous, but I'm afraid I'm a bit too rough for pearls. I do pretty well with my pretty purple collar.

Empty Bag

The blonde one came over with Chipotle. She shared the usual token bits of food, but the real fun came from the bag. It was full of magical smells! Then someone dropped a few kibbles in there. Quite a fun game indeed. I'd eat anything from that bag.

Powdered Sugar Party

I was left unattended yesterday. My mom was playing with Zelda and Zelda's mom; my dad was with the blonde one at the grocery store. I was in the powdered sugar. It was left in a sealed jar on the counter, but I am too clever for screw-top lids. I do enjoy sugar. But I can tolerate only so much (as you may remember). I learned from my mistakes and tasted only the appropriate amount.

Shedded Cheddar

My people left a bag of shredded cheddar on the counter. It didn't matter to me that it was empty; there were plenty of good smells and flavors in there. I ate it.

Guest Blogger: Zelda

Everyone, please give a warm welcome to guest blogger Zelda (your may remember her from a previous entry). She is a four month old Rhodesian Ridgeback. She is my neighbor and lives with a young married couple that is so cute, it makes me vomit. On to her post.

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Zelda here. I'm trying to learn the ways of the naughty dog. I am usually under such tight supervision that I can never get any real work done. I had success today, though. My mom made a pretty planter full of dirt and flowers (a perfect target for my early naughtiness experiments). Then she left me alone in the yard. Observe my success.




I definitely eated it.

Princess Cookies

My lady got princess themed cookie cutters as a gift from her brother. She and the blonde one tried them out. It was beautiful. The castle even has a door. I'd definitely eat the whole spread.

Utensils!

I always try not to be too predictable. For example, you might expect me to eat a wooden spoon. It has residual flavors and a nice chewing texture. But who would have guessed plastic fork? It is neither tasty nor pleasing to chew. I am obviously in this for sport rather than culinary pleasure. Someday I should just go nuts and eat a flashlight and the thickest textbook I can find. That'll really keep them guessing...

State Fair Munchies

A while back, my people went to the Ohio State Fair. They got carnival food like like corn dogs and funnel cake. I didn't get to go with them, but they brought me back some tasty fair food. STUFFED MONKEY!!!

Blue's Clues

Everyone loves Blue's Clues. Actually, Bun-Bun has a stupid cat brain which means she doesn't understand the TV like I do. She just loves balloon. I, on the other hand, follow many shows. Usually I get my watching in while my people are at school. I tip for everyone out there: when your remote is not where you remember leaving it, a dog was watching TV.

Back to Blue. I am constantly finding clues around the house. My people leave me clues about what they want me to eat, then I play detective to eat it. Sometimes they hide things really well, like at the back of the counter or in a sealed jar, but I always come through. They're so proud of me!

Moocho MooLatte

The blonde one was over today. She had a DQ Moo Latte. Because she is careless with her trash, I also had a Moo Latte. I even tracked it all over the kitchen. Those footprints are cute, but dirty. I chuckled as I watched the humans mop up my little mess.

A New Friend

The midget friend that helped to pick me out just got a new baby! Her name is Kimmie, but my people keep telling me her name is Kimberly Jo Johnson. We didn't get to play very much, but I decided I would not eat her.

In Which I Enjoy Thai

The man one made thai chicken curry. He wanted to impress the lady one. She like the couscous the curry was served with, but the curry was very...interesting. I, on the other hand, thought it was delicious. Due to the interesting nature of the food, one of the leftover bowls was nearly full. Very interesting indeed!

Precision Trash Munching

I got a little bit of Dairy Queen and a some tea from Panera today. As you may have guessed, I don't really like tea (this is a similar situation to my oatmeal from last time). And also like oatmeal, the mess is much more fun than the eating. I have extreme trash precision. Note the perfect thirds I divided the cup into. I'm that good.

Oatmeal Challenge

Today was the Oatmeal Challenge. I got four or five packets of instant oatmeal. I enjoyed this activity very thoroughly. Actually, no it wasn't that tasty. After the bag of sugar, this mildly sweet cinnamon was not fun to eat -- but the mess was superb. Think about how not fun it was for my people to clean up. The oats hung around for days.

Sugar Challenge Fail

While I have succeeded at other food related challenges, the sugar challenge was not so kind to me.  After I enjoyed the Blow Pops of my previous post, I went looking for more sweetie-treaties.  I accepted the first thing I encountered; the bag's tastiness beckoned me.  As it turns out, five pounds of sugar is wwaaaayy too much for a dog.  I did not make it very far.  Then I vomited a sugary vomit. EPIC SUGAR FAIL.

Oops!...I Did It Again

You may recall my very first post.  That was an awfully good time for me.  As luck would have it, my people have become very lax in their Blow Pop storage procedures recently.  I saw an opportunity and sprang into action.  Please pay attention to my careful focus (for a dog) on eating only the candy and not the wrappers or sticks.

I got into more naughtiness in this session than I could fit into one posting.  Watch out for another post about the other half of my little sugar binge.